There comes a time in every relationship when you feel like it is not going in the right direction. This feeling is completely normal, because let’s face it, nobody is perfect and hence no relationship will go all the way through without its share of rocks in the path. In today’s world, people tend to move on way too quickly without even giving the relationship some time to recover. Whether the relationship is worth saving or not is, of course, completely up to you and your partner. However, if it is, here is a quick outline on how you can work towards saving a relationship.
How to Save a Relationship
First, you need to acknowledge the fact that you guys are drifting apart instead of being in denial. You need to know when and in what aspects the relationship needs to be saved or what needs to be changed according to your unique situations. Here are some steps that you may need to go through if you really want your relationship to last longer.
1. Figure out the problem.
When you realize that something is wrong, you need to figure out when things actually went wrong. In some cases it relatively easy to pin point a particular incident that changed the dimension of your relationship completely. For example, if one of you cheated on the other, that incident may be the point at which things began to fall apart. In other cases, it might not be so easy to pinpoint the time when you two started drifting apart. In these cases, the reason might be a series of incidents such as him spending too much time with friends or you not being able to give him as much time as you used to or you both are swamped with work. Another reason might be that you are growing incompatible. This can happen even in the longest of long term relationships.
Once you have figured out the time and reason causing this distance, you need to decide whether you want to save the relationship or not. This is a very important step so you should think thoroughly and stick to your decision. You need to be sure that both of you want to save it. If only one of you wants to save the relationship, then it is not going to work out. Also, keep in mind that if your relationship is abusive, whether it is physical or emotional, it is never worth saving.
If you decide to save the relationship, then you need to figure out a good time to talk about it with your partner. You need to pick a time when both of you are emotionally stable and you must time it in such a way that you can have a proper and mature conversation without interruptions. Only then will you be able to come up with a solution together. While you talk to your partner, you need to make sure that you are not just shouting at each other. You need to hear what your partner has to say thoroughly. Also, you need to ask questions based on what your partner has said in order to make them feel that you were actually listening to them. You need to focus on statements including “I” more than those that include “You.” For example, “I need to figure out how we got here” rather than “you brought us here.”
You might also want to consider making lists of what you both individually think went wrong. Though it might seem difficult to be completely honest, try and review both of your theories about when things started to spiral downwards.
Once the list is made, try not to blame each other. Instead, figure out how or what the solutions are to these challenges.
2. Dealing with the Problem.
There are a lot of ways that will help you to deal with the problem. One and most common resources is counseling. If you find yourself at a place where you are trying to save your relationship, it might be a good idea to call in the expert on this one.
Try to be honest towards each other. Being honest means you are showing your partner that you trust them and you are inviting them to be honest with you.
You need to work together instead of arguing with each other. Work as teammates instead of enemies. One of the hardest parts is coming up with a solution. You need to compromise and find a middle ground. It might be a little difficult to come up with a solution that is acceptable by both of you but this is where you both have to make little sacrifices for the sake of your relationship.
3. Learn how to love each other all over again.
What about your partner made you first realize you were in love? Now is the time to remember those little things and be stronger than ever. Also, be sure to check that both of you are open to change. It is a universal truth that time changes everything, and that goes for people too! You need to learn how to live with each other while you adopt to your growing and changing selves. Focus on the good stuff. Now that you are rebuilding your relationship, keep in mind how your partner makes you a better person and how much they care about you.
Remember to take the time to connect. Most relationships fall through because both parties become too busy with their lives. We tend to take each other’s presence for granted and forget that our relationships need just as much time as our jobs and errands do. It may be helpful to make proper schedules as to when you will go out and how often.
Another form of connecting is becoming more physical. No, I am not talking about just sex. Perhaps holding hands on your walk home, those random hugs while cooking in the kitchen, and definitely more cuddles during that favorite TV show. Something as simple as using eye contact and a light touch while talking will surely make the other feel special and noticed. You both will feel new and even feel stronger bond growing.
If you do want to save your relationship, follow the above steps and you should be discovering a whole new meaning of love. One that is more mature and concrete than ever!